


Ease Your Mind

by messedupstargazer



Series: When Tears Are In Your Eyes [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: But Would Never Admit It, Communication, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, I'm Sorry, Len Tries To Hide From His Feelings, Leonard Snart Is A Nerd, Leonard Snart is a Softie, M/M, Mick Isn't Having Len's Shit, Not Canon Compliant, Poor Barry, Protective Joe West, Protective Leonard Snart, What Have I Done, sick barry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 11:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedupstargazer/pseuds/messedupstargazer
Summary: Len returns to Central after Lisa recovers.  Len tries to keep Barry out of his mind.  He fails spectacularly.  Especially when Barry goes missing.





	Ease Your Mind

Three months passed and Len finally returned to Central City. After springing Lisa from police custody, Len took her and Mick and high-tailed it out of there. Len headed to Coast City, where he and Mick had a small, out of the way, safe house just in case the heat in Central City was too high and it was a good place to help Lisa get back on her feet. It also helped that Barry was not in Coast. Sometimes, he’d catch a flash of Flash on the news, and he would always smirk at his own puns, but nothing more. At the three month mark, both Mick and Lisa had severe cabin fever so he finally came back. He had missed his city too so he came home.

And of course, he couldn’t come home to Central without coming home to Barry.

The minute he arrived, he expected to be swept away in a burst of yellow lightning but he wasn’t. He even expected Barry to knock on his door but he didn’t. He expected _something_ to happen but nothing ever did. He was pretty surprised. So he brushed it off and focused on planning a heist. He needed to make it up to Lisa and there was a jewelry store who was displaying a lovely little twenty-four carat emerald that would match Lisa's eyes and personality perfectly. And Mick would be happy because he’d get some good money and Len just might let him burn the store down as a thank you for helping save Lisa's life. The heist planning took a couple weeks, as the security was perfect for a thief so it didn’t need much. It almost felt too easy. Len had three back-up plans in case Barry decided to crash the party. Mick and Lisa may have thought that three was too many but he had a plan based on who Len was around when he saw Barry. He needed to be Captain Cold since he couldn’t be Len. He couldn’t let himself be Len. He really wasn’t sure what Len wanted so until all variables were solved in that area, it needed to not happen.

Didn’t need any back-up plans. Heist went off without a hitch. Barry didn’t even bother to show up.

At least Lisa loved the pieces and Len got a good amount for fencing the rest. That should've left him satisfied. But it didn’t. Barry didn’t even try to stop him. They had an agreement. Len wouldn’t go to jail but that didn’t mean Barry wouldn’t try to stop him. Maybe Barry was dealing with another threat with one of his hero friends. Len thought maybe that might have been it. He googled Flash and Green Arrow but the only thing that came up was the months ago church explosion that killed a supervillain.

“You need to kick your obsession with Flash.” Mick grunted when he found Len at the computer, glaring at the article as if he could change the date. “It’s unhealthy.”

“Very funny.” Len snapped. “I'm just trying to figure out why he didn’t try to stop us.”

“That was a good thing.” Mick insisted. “We don’t want him stopping us.”

“Of course, Mick.” Len drawled. “But if Flash is out of town, that might make certain people bold. Bolder than they should be. And I don’t want them getting an upper hand because I was gone for a little while.”

Mick stared at him coldly. “Right.”

Len bristled at the challenge. “I need to make sure my city isn't overrun with mobsters and twits who can barely hold a gun.”

“Sure, Boss.” Mick rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

Len clenched his fist, and he felt his left eye start to twitch.

“See?” Mick raised an eyebrow. “I mention him for a minute and you're worked into a sweaty mess. Either fuck him and get it over with or kill him. Choose.”

Mick walked out, leaving Len feeling exposed. Mick never beat around the bush, never crafted his words with extreme precision as Len did. He always said what exactly he thought and never cared for a filter. So if Mick was noticing that Len was getting worked up about Flash, something was wrong. And Len didn’t know how to fix it.

He needed to find Barry. Barry was a problem and needed to be solved. Then Len could move on.

Moving on would be so much easier if he could actually _find_ Barry. Barry seemed to be missing. A check at the West house showed his bed hadn't been slept in a while, and a hack of STAR Labs security cameras showed Caitlyn and Cisco at the helm but no Barry. Had Barry left Central? He started to check Barry's normal hang-outs, even hacking the CCPD. No Barry. Len was getting aggravated. Barry had left Central without telling Len? What the fuck? Why would he do that? He should have at least been courteous enough to tell Len he was leaving. He was the one who kissed Len!

Granted, Len was also the one to leave. But that was indifferent to Barry leaving now. Len had returned.

“You okay, Lenny?” Lisa asked one night as Mick made dinner. Mick may like to watch things burn but food was always an exception. “You've been off since we got back.”

“I'm fine, Lis.” Len assured her.

“He’s just twitchy because he can't find Flash so he can't fuck the guy to get him out of his system.” Mick supplied from the kitchen.

Lisa spun to Len, an annoying glint in her eyes. “You want to fuck the Flash?”

Len ground out. “Not everyone thinks with their dick.”

“Oh, you didn’t deny it.” Lisa grinned like the cat that caught the canary. “You do! I mean, I understand, that red leather, whoo!”

“I hate both of you.” Len spat.

The door was suddenly kicked open and Len threw Lisa into the kitchen.

“Mick, take Lisa and run!” Len shouted. “I'll handle this!”

Mick didn’t need to be told twice and two of the most important people in his life were soon on their way to be safe. Then he found himself staring down the barrel of a service weapon, belonging to Joe West.

“Detective.” Len drawled out, sounding perfectly calm.

“Where's Barry?” West demanded.

“Excuse me?” Len startled, completely thrown off guard.

“Come on, you think I think it’s a coincidence that you come back and Barry disappears?” West growled, clearly the overprotective father.

“Detective West, I say this as someone who recently lost someone they loved; I have no idea what you're talking about.” Len replied, a cold feeling in his gut spreading to his heart. “Is Barry missing?”

“You would know.” West spat. “He said he was going to speak to you, said he had to talk to you about a bridge. He never came home. What did you do?”

“When exactly did he say he was coming to talk to me?” Len asked, dismissing the gun in his face.

“Two and a half weeks ago.” West replied, unsurely.

Barry had probably meant to talk to him about what happened at Suicide Bridge that first night he returned. _That’s_ why Barry didn’t intervene at the heist. Len felt sick.

“I never saw him.” Len said. “Detective, I swear to you, I never saw him that night. Lisa and I spent the night watching Jurassic Park.”

Slowly, West lowered the weapon. “He’s not with you?”

“No.” Len said. “I haven't seen him since before I left Central to take care of Lisa.”

West swore and sighed. “I can't believe I'm asking this, but if you hear anything, will you tell us?”

“I doubt I'll hear anything but if I do, Lisa will get in touch with Cisco.” Len said, surprising himself.

West nodded, and holstered his gun. “Goodbye, Snart.”

Len nodded at him and he left. He took out his cell and called Lisa.

“Lenny, are you okay?” Lisa asked, sounding scared. “What happened?”

“It’s safe here.” Len replied. “You can come back.”

“What happened?” Lisa pressed.

“Something I have to handle on my own.” Len said.

“Lenny, don’t you dare start going all Luke Skywalker I have to face Darth Vader alone.” Lisa threatened.

“I'm not.” Len said dryly, though he did appreciate Lisa's reference. “I simply owe a favor to someone. You know I hate owing people.”

Len hated lying to his sister but no way would Lisa do nothing when confronted with her brother going after the Flash to try and save him. Len had kept his side of the bargain and not told Lisa who Barry was and she didn’t know the backstory between Len and Barry. Mick, who knew part of the story, certainly wouldn't let Len do anything. Might even punch him in the face to try and stop him.

“You didn’t mention this before.” Lisa said.

“It wasn’t relevant before.” Len said. “It’s become relevant now. I have to deal with this. I won't put myself in danger needlessly, Lis. I promise.”

Lisa sighed. Lisa knew Len never made a promise he couldn’t keep. If he promised her something, she could trust his word.

“Fine.” Lisa said. “Do you want our help?”

“No.” Len replied. “This is between me and someone else only. I can handle this.”

“Boss, you sure you're not just being a dickhead?” Mick asked.

“I'm sure, Mick.” Len said. Len knew this was Mick's way of trying to look out for him. Mick wasn’t an emotional type of guy. Neither was Len but Mick was usually outright rude. At least Len's insults were usually subtle.

“Fine, Boss.” Mick grunted.

“I'll be as safe as I can possibly be, Lis.” Len swore. “See you soon.”

Len hung up, grabbed his laptop and got his motorcycle. He had a Flash to find.

\----------------

Flash had way too many enemies. The big ones like Mardon and Jesse were back in prison, and muggers and minor bank robbers who had no sense of style were not skilled enough to pull a kidnapping. It took three days for Len to realize if someone had captured Flash, they would've been proclaiming it all over town like peacocks in mating season. But they weren't. Because it wasn’t Flash that was missing, it was _Barry_. Barry's enemies were much easier to find. Barry's name was occasionally in the paper when he took on cases involving mobsters, hitmen or drug trafficking. Damn kid had no fear. Len didn’t like the Families’ that thought they ran Central but a tiny twenty-six year old with a laminate had no business trying to take them on. It seemed, while Len was gone, in his day job, Barry had put forth an iron clad case against one of the Santini’s hit men. Len never liked the Santinis’ but even he wouldn’t go after them without provocation. Or at least four back-up plans and a fully charged cold gun. But thankfully, after some careful digging and maybe some intense threats, he got a location on Barry. He was being held in a facility in the lower west side of Central, on the other side of the city than CCPD and STAR Labs. The Santini’s had noticed his incredible healing powers and left him to be pray to another sadistic killer in their pay. Len didn’t even care who had him, all he cared about was getting Barry back. Barry would forgive Len the extremes when he rescued him.

The death of the hitman was inconsequential when Len found Barry. Barry was in blood-stained cut-up jeans, no shoes, socks, or shirt, with his skin littered with cuts that were at different stages of healing. Len tightened his grip on his gun. Barry's eyes were closed, eyes darting around under lids, and he shivered as if he took a blast from Len's gun. Len froze the handcuffs keeping Barry latched to the table and lifted him as gently as he could.

“Please, no, stop.” Barry pleaded, not fully conscious. Len's heart cracked. Barry was in no condition to be moved all the way across town but he needed help.

So Len carried Barry out, and took him to the closest safe house he had. Len swung Barry up bridal style, man Barry was light Len needed to go buy more food, and carried him inside. Len laid Barry down on the bed and checked the cabinets. He found a small stockpile of food and brought it into the bedroom. He sighed, sucked it up and peeled off Barry's jeans. He kept Barry's boxers on since they were bloody but not cut so he hoped for a small victory there. His legs weren't as bad as his chest but the blood stuck the fabric to Barry's skin, and Barry whimpered when Len tried to remove anything. He then got a bowl of hot water and a rag. He and Mick had been hurt enough times for Len to know some basic medical shit but meta-humans were way out of Len's league. Len wet the rag and started cleaning the dried blood off of Barry's chest, as he hoped Barry's powers would take care of the rest. Len worked methodically and carefully, as if he weren't working on a twenty-six year old kid who Len may or may not pull Len's carefully guarded heartstrings. Once the dried blood was pretty much gone, Barry's eyes fluttered open.

“Len?” Barry mumbled.

“It’s me.” Len whispered. “Go back to sleep. You're safe now.”

“No.” Barry murmured, eyes glazed over with fear and fever. “Len, you have to get out of here.”

“Sh, Scarlet.” Len gently ran his hands over Barry's hair, which was knotted and greasy. “I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you.”

Those words seemed to calm Barry. He stared at Len as if he were an angel.

“Eat this.” Len said, trying to focus on keeping Barry awake to eat.

Barry mechanically ate until Len ran out of food, staying silent the entire time, most likely unable to taste the food Len was steadily putting in his mouth.

“You've got me.” Barry slurred reverently, on the edge of sleep.

“Yes, Barry, you're safe now, go to sleep.” Len tried.

“You have my soul.” Barry said, staring Len right in the eye.

With a jolt, Len remembered the conversation on Suicide Bridge.

_“And what will you do with the part of my soul I offered to you?” Barry said, his voice turning quietly somber._

_Len kept quiet for a while, constructing his words to perfection._

_“If you trust me with it, I think I'll keep it safe.” Len finally said._

_Barry turned to face him. His voice was low, looking at him through lowered lids. “Then I trust you with it.”_

“Yes, Barry.” Len said.

“Don’t leave.” Barry pleaded. “Trust you. Keep me safe. So dark.”

“Hush, Barry, it’s okay.” Len dismissed the pain forming in his heart. “Now go to sleep.”

“Don’t let go.” Barry insisted. “Darkness too much. Can't do it alone.”

“I'll take your part in darkness when darkness comes.” Len admitted.

Barry's hand lightly smacked Len's arm, reaching out for him, and Len threaded their fingers. Barry squeezed lightly and then closed his eyes, as if the simple squeeze had exhausted all of his energy. Len sighed again, this kid threw everything about himself out of alignment. Len had a plan for everything but Barry was the one variable he couldn’t account for. Feeling like they were the only two people on the planet when they were alone sometimes was not a feeling he anticipated ever happening.

“Why do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?” Len murmured.

As expected, Barry gave no reply, save a soft snore.

Weaseling Cisco’s number out of Lisa was harder than expected, but in the end he’d gotten it.

“Cisco Ramon?” Cisco answered in a polite but strained voice.

“Hello Ramon.” Len teased.

“Cold!” Cisco’s voice shot up a couple octaves. “Look, now’s really not a good time.”

“I know, you're looking for our _dar_ ling speedster.” Len said. “Would you like an address?”

“You know where he is?” Cisco asked hopefully.

“I can give you an address.” Len said. “And when you find the kid, tell him we’re even.”

“Even?” Cisco asked. “Oh yeah, he helped resuscitate Lisa. You probably don’t want to talk about that. My bad. Please tell me where Barry is.”

Len rattled off the address as if he was reading off a piece of paper.

“I'll tell Lisa you said hi Cisco.” Len drawled out and hung up before Cisco could sputter a reply.

He figured he had approximately thirty-four minutes before the sidekick squad showed, factoring in traffic, Cisco’s driving skills, and willingness to break the law to find Barry.

Len took one last look at Barry. He was frowning, tossing and turning, moaning in his sleep. Len pressed the back of his hand to Barry's forehead. He was burning, even more so than his usual. Len knew that someone who runs as fast as Barry must run hot but this was definitely a fever. Len dumped out the bloody lukewarm water and filled the bowl with cold water. So he dipped the rag in cold water and placed it under the back of Barry's neck. The frown lines didn’t quite smooth out but he did calm down. Sidekick squad would just mistake it for sweat. He stayed for ten minutes only, waiting for the cold water to match the temperature of Barry's skin. Once that happened, he removed the rag, cleaned up the trash and headed out. He no longer owed Barry and that should solve the problem Barry presented in his life.

\----------------

Len should've known better. Len _really_ should've known better. Barry was a problem not that easily solved. Both Mick and Lisa had noticed Len's different mood after he came home and both had basically told him to figure himself out. Both of them knew him too well. It was slightly unnerving. Neither knew it was about Barry, so at least he was spared that.

Until Barry knocked on his door.

Of course, _Mick_ answered.

“Who’re you?” Mick grunted. They had been playing poker when Barry knocked, and if Len moved, he’d give away that Barry was an enemy and he might get hurt.

“No one.” Barry answered, not afraid of Mick at all. “A guy paid me to take this note to this address. It’s just a piece of paper, and it was on my way, so hey twenty bucks for me.”

Barry kept intentionally _not_ looking at Len. Len could barely move. Of course, the Flash decided that he was going to go straight into the lion’s den with a badly constructed lion costume.

Mick took the paper, literally it was only one sheet, folded over, and shut the door.

“It’s for you.” Mick said, not having a problem reading it. “There's no name. Just Suicide Bridge, tomorrow, and eleven o’clock pm. You recognize it?”

“No I don’t.” Len didn’t know Barry's handwriting, which was pretty terrible, but he got the gist.

“You have a secret admirer?” Mick smirked.

“Of course not.” Len snapped. “Maybe it’s a new way of communicating with a new meta in town. I have put our rogues on the map. Might be someone trying to join.”

Mick raised his eyebrows. “Funny way to do it, if it is that.”

“I'll go.” Len said. He had already decided he’d go when Barry knocked. “I'll take my gun though.”

“You want me with you?” Mick asked.

“No, just in case, I want you watching over Lisa.” Len said. “I can handle myself.”

“All right, but I ain’t coming after you, if you're walking into a trap because you're an idiot.” Mick said.

Len smirked. “Aw Mick, you sure know how to make a guy feel special.”

\--------------

At eleven pm exactly, Len was waiting at their spot on Suicide Bridge. Of course, Barry was late. Len was beginning to expect that. Around eleven forty-five, Barry finally sped to him. Dressed in dark jeans and a zipped up black jacket.

“You here alone?” Barry asked, disguising his voice and face with the vibration thing he did.

“I'm alone.” Len assured him. “No Mick, no Lisa, just my cold gun.”

“You won't need it.” Barry said, his voice returning to normal. “I just wanted to thank you for saving my life.”

“No need.” Len said. “I owed you. We’re even now.”

“Cisco said, I know but I have a vague but distinct memory of talking to you.” Barry pressed. “I don’t know if it’s real or not…”

“It’s not.” Len snapped.

Barry bit his lip nervously. It was almost endearing. Len shouldn’t have cared about that, save that Barry was getting nervous around him.

“Look, I know you said we couldn’t do this.” Barry pushed forward. “But can't we at least try?”

“No.” Len said, trying to bottle up the emotions flooding in his chest. “You're a super _hero_ , I'm a super _villain_. It can't work.”

“You don’t know that.” Barry said. “I want you to be on my side, not necessarily superhero supervillain, but when times get rough, I want to be able to turn to you. I want to go to you for comfort. I want to tell you about my dreams and hear yours and-”

“Barry.” Len interrupted. “Do you understand what that would mean? Not telling your fathers, not telling your sister, not telling your friends. And if Mick or Lisa found out you were the Flash, you _will_ end up dead.”

“You don’t know that for sure.” Barry pressed. “Trust me, I don’t think time will let that happen.”

“How do you- never mind.” Len dismissed. “You need to forget about me. We’re even, that’s all there will ever be.”

“Someone with an eidetic memory telling me to forget something, that’s ironic.” Barry snorted.

Len fought to keep a smirk off his face.

“What if I told you I was willing to risk that?” Barry asked.

“You'd risk death… for me.” Len said, completely thrown off guard. It seemed to be more of a common thing around Barry.

“You make it sound so overdramatic.” Barry rolled his eyes. As if that wasn’t exactly what he was doing. “I just want to try.”

“Do or do not, there is no try.” Len replied automatically.

Barry laughed outright. “Oh my God, who knew you were such a closet nerd?”

Len bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

“Then I want to do, if I can't try.” Barry went on when he realized Len wasn’t going to speak.

“Why?” Len asked, unable to keep his frustration out of his voice. “What on earth makes you think this is a good idea?”

“You talk about how I'm a good person, I'm the hero, I'm the one who gave up part of his soul.” Barry replied, looking Len straight in the eye. “But you don’t take into account yourself. You were the one who killed Death bolt to stop him from killing me. You were the one who didn’t kill me when your father ordered you to, even though your sister’s life was on the line. You were the one who let me talk to you when you were in prison even though you didn’t have to. You were the one who warned me about Mardon and Jesse, risking your own life in the process. You were the one who made sure I wasn’t suicidal when you saw me over here. I mean, you literally pulled me from over the edge even though you didn’t know I wasn’t really over it. You were the one who sent flowers to my mother's grave, even though you didn't know her, just so I wouldn't feel so alone on her death day. You accepted that part of my soul I offered to you. And you _did_ kiss me back. So I don’t care if it’s a _good idea_. I think good ideas went out the window when I got struck by lightning. I'm willing to take this chance. Are you?”

Len didn’t reply, struck speechless. Len was not a good person, Barry was reading too much into his actions. Len just… couldn’t let Barry die.

Fuck.

Len _cared_ about Barry. Barry was no longer a variable in Len's equation but a living, breathing person who had electrified a part of Len's heart he didn’t want to admit he had. A part of himself he fought to suppress. Barry was there now, and Len didn’t want to get rid of him.

“There has to be set boundaries.” Len said. “I don’t want you getting hurt because you're stupid enough to date me.”

Barry's face caught a small smile and a hopeful look in his eye.

“I can live with that.” Barry breathed, incredulous. “I mean, I'm not telling Joe unless I have to. I don’t wanna think about what he’d do to me.”

Len gave Barry a half-smile.

“So what are you doing on Friday?” Len asked, deciding to take over the conversation.

“Patrol, mostly.” Barry admitted, biting his lip slightly. “I don’t know what it is but a lot of crime happens on Fridays.”

“Note to self, don’t commit heists on Fridays.” Len murmured.

Barry laughed, and suddenly Barry was right beside him. Len surprisingly didn’t mind the contact.

“So Fridays are very busy for me.” Barry sighed.

“What about Thursday?” Len asked.

“I could do Thursday.” Barry smiled, blushing. “Dinner and a movie?”

“You're such a child.” Len muttered. “If Lisa ever asks how old you are, lie.”

Barry laughed, a genuine sound Len found highly pleasing.

“I'll be sure to.” Barry said. “But you never answered my question.”

“I suppose, since I'm dating someone still in high school,” Len ignored Barry's indignant “Hey!”, “Dinner and a movie could be acceptable. But the movie must meet my standards.”

“You choose the movie, I choose the popcorn?” Barry offered.

“I can do that.” Len agreed.

“Good.” Barry stated and then kissed Len.

Len allowed himself to bring his hand to Barry's hair, threading his fingers through Barry's abnormally soft hair. That was a much more pleasurable experience since the last time. Barry melted under Len's touch, and the sound Barry made was heavenly.

The sound of a text message broke them apart.

“Aw, it’s Joe.” Barry frowned. “He’s worried I'm not home yet. I don’t usually stay out this late.”

“Text back and say Captain Cold has you pretty busy.” Len whispered in Barry's ear. “Not technically a lie.”

Barry shuddered- no, vibrated briefly.

“If I'm not technically lying.” Barry agreed.

Len gently pushed Barry up against the concrete barrier of the bridge, with one arm wrapped tightly around Barry's waist, other hand clasped tightly around the back of Barry's neck. Len leaned forward and Barry met him halfway.


End file.
